Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Foods that everyone should like and if you don't like them I will judge you

I've been listening to a lot of music lately but I haven't really had the urge to post anything because I'm boring and have nothing interesting to say (about music, currently). So here's a list I made of foods that I think everyone should like. If you don't like any of these foods you should keep this a secret and never, ever tell me because you will lose much, if not all, of my respect. If we ever make plans to hang out I may suggest one of these foods as a test and you should have a believable excuse ready so that I don't catch on. This list isn't meant to be all-encompassing but I think it gets across most of my ideas about generalized eating habits:

- Avocados*
- Garlic
- Berries (any kind)
- Tomatoes
- Pho
- Bread (any kind, except bullshit bread with like raisins or cranberries)
- Cheese (any kind)
- Spinach
- Cilantro**
- Crispy IPAs (not a food but whatever)
- Salt
- Mushrooms*** (any kind)
- Plums
- Hummus
- Lemons
- Kale
- Mustard
- Artichokes
- Mangos

Things not on the list
- Things that are flavored like bacon but are not actually made of bacon
- Bacon

*I swear to god a senior engineer at work told me last week that he didn't like avocados and thought "they're all mushy and gross." I almost didn't even put avocados on this list because I thought it was just totally automatic. Like all those girls on OkCupid who say they can't live without "air and water." Why even bother mentioning it? Anyways, I told him "Mike, you're a fucking idiot and that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." We have a pretty good relationship that way.
**Yeah, I said it. Don't give me that bullshit about how some people have a recessive gene that makes cilantro taste like soap. That's just how cilantro tastes, and it's awesome. Everyone I've ever met that doesn't like cilantro is the type of person that eats cheese pizza at every meal.
***A different senior engineer at work told me he didn't eat mushrooms because they grow in shit. Okay, yeah, that's sort of true, but they're also delicious, and the "grows in shit" line doesn't really give proper justice to mycelium. He's actually quite a bit senior to me so, although I still called him an idiot, I sort of said it more jokingly and I didn't include the F-bomb. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.

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